Bryan Dondero

Gary Fisher

it must have been enough for you
it must have been enough for you
too see what it is
we were made of
and crumble
it must have been enough for you
i didn’t do what a man should do
it must have been enough for you
i remember when it was our last chance
you sighed and said goodbye, that’s all
the silence for me, said it was over
i remember when it was over
there was a weight on me when we plunged
i should have seen it coming
i should have seen it coming
there was a weight in my heart
when we plunged
if there is something you’d give back
i’d give it my all
nothing but blue skys
when we’d fall

In lieu of record store day, I have decided to release my EP that I recorded last year on ye olde interweb. Check ‘er out!The Clear Spot.

Stand still, great force of wind that
falls on my thin window and
stir no emotion from within
the walls of my insides

It is too delicate to show you,
but I swear that my blank eyes
do not gaze without feeling

Too tired to blink through
this moment
yet, the knot in my stomach tightens

Only from confusion of not knowing
which is the truest feeling

The ice that crystals on my pane
so clear, so perfect in symmetry
as if it knew exactly how –

My mind could be like that too
if it weren’t for the fire of my heart
that melts it away, changes
the alchemy to a cloud of dust.

Miley said recently in an imaginary interview that she is hoping to incorporate some of the examples in progressive business modeling that Enron had established last decade into her own bludgeoning career. “It’s a simple strategy,” father Billy Ray expounds from 30,000 feet in his latest lear jet, “we constantly bombard and infiltrate the homes of the unsuspecting public with images and other media of my hot daughter to the point where they begin thinking that she actually has talent. We then project how much we think these undiscerning fools might spend on the infinite amount of Miley memorabilia, triple it, and wire it into a bank account buried in the Swiss Alps.”

“We call it Merch de Shock and Awe. Hell, the other day I came up with a number by typing the word ‘boobless’ into my crackberry and wired that to my account. HA HA HA HA HA HA…….ahem, excuse me.”

Record executives in the top 5 have also embraced this model. Don Corliavo of BFC (Big Fucking Corporation) also is a huge advocate for this business model. “Well damn, it’s all we can do now to support our bloated 401ks. Ever since these jackoffs (Americans) decided to stop buying our products we’ve decided to just create imaginary profits. Here’s the deal, I like driving fast Italian cars and eating $300 steaks everyday. It’s what makes me happy. And I am a miserable old sonofabitch if I can’t do that everyday. It’s my basic right as an American, pursuit of happiness and yadda, yadda, yadda.”

When asked if he thought that this was an ethical business practice, Don didn’t really answer the question….I am pretty sure, “Alright, well you know what? We love the hippies. They still pay for live music shows, but let’s face it, it’s not like these wookies are ever gonna be in Fortune magazine! Live music is okay, I guess, I don’t really see the point in it…. Anyway, some of our lower tier bands, like um….damn, what are they called? Well, they grossed about $700, 000 last year in live shows, a drop in the bucket, and you know what happened? They ran out of money! What the hell is that?! Now that doesn’t do me any good. We were just about to drop them like a bad portfolio, but then we thought hell, might as well try to make another record.”

When asked why, Don just sort of starred glassy eyed for about 3 minutes at his glass of scotch and then apologized that he still gets the occasional flashback from his days as manager from the 70′s psych band Purple Raincoat.

Finally I asked Don why they would emulate a business model that seemed to inevitably be destined to collapse in on itself.

“Well as long as I get the timing right, I should still be able to get the hell outta dodge with a pretty nickel in my jar. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA……whew.”

This just in via the New York Times, Danger Mouse has released a brand new album, “Dark Night of the Soul,” with absolutely no music on it. Suck that Thom Yorke! This Yankee just topped your coolness by taking the free music to a whole new level . . . like . . . um . . . cuz he, like, already knew that, like, people weren’t gonna buy the music if it wasn’t free so, like, why even put the music on it . . . man?!

So despite the nonexistent music, you can buy the limited edition brand new album (blank cd) for only $50! Oh, they’ll throw in some David Lynch photos for free, so you’ll have some really cool pics to look at as you don’t listen to it.

Orrrrrrr, you can listen to it for free on NPR. (?!?!!!)  Don’t ask me, I don’t know.

In other news, this literal Billy Idol video is hilarious. Well, at least I think it’s hilarious. Hey, it’s free, shut up!

This is a short essay I wrote for last week’s Seven Days on the fine art of being lazy.

A great man (Les Claypool) once said, “Funny thing about weekends: When you’re unemployed, they don’t mean quite so much. Except you get to hang out with all your working friends.” Lord knows, I can relate. Besides being unemployed right now, I haven’t had a 9-to-5 job in quite some time, either. Employed or no, I have had more than ample time to ponder the “little things” in life — the little nothings that make life so tasty.

One day Jay Leno is standing in front of you talking about why he loves Vermont, and all you can think about is how you never would have pegged him as one to don the “Canadian tuxedo” as his casual wear. Next thing you know, you’re in your backyard teaching your hound dog about earthworms and why they’re important for the garden. I suppose life is funny that way.

I consider myself a driven and passionate person, but also kinda lazy. I’m not lazy in the sense of laying around in my underwear all day playing Wii ping-pong between bong hits; more in a “why the hell should I mow the lawn today because it’s friggin’ 90 degrees outside and Messner said it’s gonna be 70 tomorrow” kind of way. I like to think of it as being Taoist.

It’s not that I don’t challenge myself during my free time, because I do. My latest challenge is to overcome my fear of spiders. I’ve actually been doing pretty good. Yesterday I held a wolf spider in my palm for at least three seconds before freaking out. Baby steps … I suppose this world is full of little nothings tucked away in dusty corners, staring at us with eight beady little eyes, ready to test us.

In honor of President Obama’s  100th day in office, I reflected on my own past 100 days.  Well let’s see how I have been doing….

Jan. 27th – In New Orleans — was raging drunk on Bourbon St. (go figure).

Jan. 28th – Didn’t do a heck of a lot. See Jan 27th.

Feb. 2nd – Came home to VT and apologized to girlfriend. See Jan 27th.

Feb. 3rd – Bought some flowers.

Feb. 10th – Bought some more flowers, and some nice perfume for V-day.

Feb. 11th – Decided to stop drinking and/or doing anything that would cause my liver harm….  Also, took up Aikido.

Mar. 13th – Made a bold decision which allowed me to spend more time in Vermont. A career change, if you will.

Mar. 18th – Wondered what President Obama has been up to lately.

Mar.19th – Watched President Obama on The Tonight Show

Mar.22nd – Lamented the fact that it was still bloody cold in VT?!  Also was curious if CEO’s at A.I.G. and Rick Wagoner play poker together on Saturday nights.

Apr. 1st – Had an awful nightmare that a drunken Dick Cheney shot me in the face with a magical potion that made me sneer uncontrollably at anything that was humane and reasonable.

Apr.11th – Got up at 4 a.m. to celebrate the 1st day of trout fishing.  Stopped fishing after about an hour because I got tired of clearing the ice off my rod and was beginning to see little pink fairies flying over my head – the 1st sign of hypothermia….

Apr.15th – Tried to think of a job that would make fly fishing tax deductable.

Apr.20th – Tried to see if there was a business market for a roller coaster theme park at Gauntanamo Bay.  But then realized that a water boarding coaster could be a liability.

Apr.22nd – To celebrate earth day, I wrote to GM to propose the blueprints for a cow shit car in place of the Volt.

Apr.29th – Still haven’t caught any fish, but I bet neither has Obama…well cept for that one old fish.